Julie's Journal

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Ok. I am doing a bit better right now. Don't get me wrong. I am not happy. But at least I am not crying every minute. Now it is only every 10 minutes. That is an improvement. I am still very hurt. But I know that I will not allow myself to be treated like that. I do not want my children growing up thinking it is OK to treat someone/be treated like that. Children learn what they see. I hope I am making the correct decision to move forward. I know that I can not just sit here and feel sorry for myself. I have 2 beautiful children to continue taking care of. One good thing (if you want to look at it that way) is that my husband is a truck driver, so he is not home everyday. They are used to him not being home everyday. I just think the Holidays will be tough. But, I am gonna do my best and help them through this. And they will help me also. They do have a kinda busy schedule that keeps us busy. They both take dance at least 3-4 days a week after school. And Saturday or Sunday afternoons. We are leaving this Friday around lunchtime to go to Houston for a dance competition and classes. So that will keep us busy this weekend. I don't know if we will drive home Sunday night, or stay until Monday and then come home. It is about a 5 hour drive. I guess we just wait and see how we feel Sunday. I have no idea what out plans are for Thanksgiving. I could bring the kids to my Moms. My other option would be heading back to Texas on Wednesday with my sister and her family. We would stay over there until Sunday. That would give me a few more days away. I don't know yet. My daughter Savanna said she wanted to go to her Maw-maws, so I guess we'll just see about that also.
I did pack my most of my husbands clothes today and put them out under the car porch. I told my sister-in-law to tell him is was out there for him. She said he came and stayed at her house last nite. His stuff is still here right now. He knows I will be out of town this weekend, so he may pick it up then. I don't care. I just didn't want to see all of his crap here. I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow afternoon to start discussing what needs to be done. I still can not believe all of this is happening.
I still have to find someone to watch my dogs this weekend. I will probably call my sister-in-law and ask her. She only lives about a mile away, so it is not hard for her to stop by and let them out for a while.
Ok, I am going to watch the Dancing with the Stars finalle I Tivo'ed. I hope Emmitt Smith wins. I really enjoyed his dancing this year.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Wow. I am amazed at how much can change in such a short amount of time. I guess I should have seen it coming. I know I have not been the best wife. But I tried. I am not perfect. Believe me, I know that. How ironic, of all days, today, on my 10 year wedding anniversary, I get told but my husband that he wants a divorce. He is tired of trying. Does not believe that I will change. Doesn't want to try. Funny how he does not remember to mention the fact that her has been talking to another woman for almost 2 months. And she is married also. How great is that. Yes, I was selfish, greedy, inconsiderate....and lots more. But I truely did love him. I was really trying to change my ways. I am terrible with money. That is all there is to it. I don't want to blame it on my parents. My mom always hide things from my dad. She was terrible with money. But that is not any excuse. It is my own fault. He has told me many times not to mess up, but I did not listen. I had to do it my way. This last time I messed up I knew I couldn't do it again. But apparently is was too late. I had already lost him. I just didn't want to see it. Boy, do I see it now. I know I have lost my family. We already told the kids. Oh my God......that killed me. But they seemed so brave. Scared, but brave. I don't feel brave. But I know I have to act brave. For them. For me. For us. I hope in the long run this will be for the best. How? I don't know. I guess only time will tell. Shit, I don't even have a job! I know this sounds like a big pity party, and I guess it is one. But that is what I need right now to make it feel just a baby bit better. (It will feel just a baby bit better, right?) 10 years. I thought that would only be the beginning. Not an ending.

Also, please send your prayers out to Jenn from www.threesons.clubmom.com
She is waiting news on her court date to bring home her Pineapple Princess from Russia. She and her family have been waiting for almost 2 years for this. They should hear something on Friday. I pray that this family will have their new baby girl home for the Holidays!

Jenn, here is a picture I saw and immediately thought of you. I hope it brings you and your family lots of luck!