Julie's Journal

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Wow. I am amazed at how much can change in such a short amount of time. I guess I should have seen it coming. I know I have not been the best wife. But I tried. I am not perfect. Believe me, I know that. How ironic, of all days, today, on my 10 year wedding anniversary, I get told but my husband that he wants a divorce. He is tired of trying. Does not believe that I will change. Doesn't want to try. Funny how he does not remember to mention the fact that her has been talking to another woman for almost 2 months. And she is married also. How great is that. Yes, I was selfish, greedy, inconsiderate....and lots more. But I truely did love him. I was really trying to change my ways. I am terrible with money. That is all there is to it. I don't want to blame it on my parents. My mom always hide things from my dad. She was terrible with money. But that is not any excuse. It is my own fault. He has told me many times not to mess up, but I did not listen. I had to do it my way. This last time I messed up I knew I couldn't do it again. But apparently is was too late. I had already lost him. I just didn't want to see it. Boy, do I see it now. I know I have lost my family. We already told the kids. Oh my God......that killed me. But they seemed so brave. Scared, but brave. I don't feel brave. But I know I have to act brave. For them. For me. For us. I hope in the long run this will be for the best. How? I don't know. I guess only time will tell. Shit, I don't even have a job! I know this sounds like a big pity party, and I guess it is one. But that is what I need right now to make it feel just a baby bit better. (It will feel just a baby bit better, right?) 10 years. I thought that would only be the beginning. Not an ending.

Also, please send your prayers out to Jenn from www.threesons.clubmom.com
She is waiting news on her court date to bring home her Pineapple Princess from Russia. She and her family have been waiting for almost 2 years for this. They should hear something on Friday. I pray that this family will have their new baby girl home for the Holidays!

Jenn, here is a picture I saw and immediately thought of you. I hope it brings you and your family lots of luck!


At November 15, 2006 4:57 AM , Blogger Margaret said...

I'm so sorry. I just found your blog and kind of feel like I'm hearing private news I'm not supposed to hear. But, my thoughts are with you and I'll be checking back. Hang strong! Blogs can be a great source of support, believe it or not. We "internets" will be here for you!


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